12 Hugs a Day

We need 4 hugs a day for survival, 8 hugs a day for maintenance, and 12 hugs a day for growth.  I know Kevin and I don't always reach the 12 or even 8 hugs a day, so we're working on it!  And with Madeline and Leo, we are showering our hugs every few minutes.  Our adjustment from one to two kids has great moments and difficult ones, much to be expected.  Sharing is a topic we talk about a LOT, and with Leo we have much dialogue about our big change, that even though we, well mommy mostly for now, has to hold Madeline a lot, that we love him so much, and every chance Madeline lets me put her down for a moment I cuddle and read with Leo.  It's difficult when Madeline needs to be held as much as a newborn but sure doesn't sleep like a newborn, thus my alone time with Leo is very limited so far.  

Madeline is going to sleep so much better these days, no crying at all, and if she wakes in the night, she looks up at me, smiles a giddy smile and holds my hand while she has a giddy party for about 30 minutes before getting back to sleep.  This includes singing, babbling and laughing, and it's hard to be frustrated at 1 in the morning when she's just so happy and cute.  She is in a crib, in her own room for now, but if things keep going well, we may move her to Leo's room over the summer, we'll see.  Naps during the day are still a bit tricky, she seems to not want to miss out on life, and usually only takes about a 30-45 minutes nap once a day, so this doesn't leave much time with just Leo but maybe when she hits a growth spurt that will change.  

She's still quite petite, but is slowly developing a bit of chunk in places which is great.  And no sign on chicken pox, yay!  That was the cause of the delay for one family in our travel group, their daughter broke out about 1 week after getting her.  And for a time in China there was a possibility for all the families in our group to stay an extra week in China to keep the breakout contained.  But they gave all the other girls a vaccine the day before we left the country and let all leave save the one family, who I believe was home by New Year's. 

I think the most difficult part of this whole adoption that we never faced before is knowing how to comfort someone who doesn't really know how to accept it.  While we were in China, Madeline really didn't cry much, and hardly at all the first day she was with us, not really mourning her loss yet.  The other families in our travel group would always ask us if she ever cried, she was seemingly the most content baby of the bunch.  Upon coming home, once all the transferring from one place to another and having no schedule was over, she seemed a bit sad, and getting a handle on a bedtime routine became extremely difficult.  Sometimes she has pushed us away when we cuddle her, and she especially hates it at bedtime, but she still wants us close.  Yesterday she began to cry, not due to being tired or hungry, and she didn't want to play, just wanted to cry.  So I held her, even as she pushed me away, I held her and held her and let her cry until she slept.  I'm sure she is having trouble knowing that she will never be left again, even as a baby I'm sure she feels the abandonment in some way.  And she's been her own source of comfort for a year, so letting someone else take that role for her must be very hard.  When she gets upset, she closes her eyes, cries huge tears, and will often pat her head repetitively, so I often put my hand on her head where she pats, and sometimes she pushes my hand away, but sometimes she holds my hand and uses it to pat her head.   Teaching her how to let me comfort her has been difficult to watch as a parent, but gets better each day.  And I see the sadness going away.